True friendships are hard to find. Oh, there are a lot of people who seem to be your friend when things are going well, but will they be there when things change. How do you know if your friends are really friends? How do you know when to let go? Sometimes it can really be complex and hard to understand. True Friendship!

Here is a comment I received on my post: Church and State. I have responded personally to the writer. As I read the comment and wrote a personal response, I thought there might be others out there in similar circumstances, so I decided to write this post. I hope this helps. I have removed all personal information in order to protect the writer. If you have any comments or questions, feel free to use the comment area or the contact page. If I think the comment is too personal, I’ll try to respond personally. Please let me know if you would like your comment to be private or public, otherwise I’ll have to use my discretion.

This is the comment:

“With this recent election a lot of questions have risen between a friend and I…
Issues on Gay marriage, Abortion, policies and candidates…
Now there are problems between us, but I love her so much, as if she were my own sister. I can’t change her mind, I can’t make her tolerate me, I can’t ask her to accept my views… according to her she can’t tolerate the intolerant. Yet I’m not against gay rights, just marriage…
Can we still be friends?
It hurts, and I don’t know what to do. I can’t apologize for who I am.
This is me.
I believe in Jesus, I believe that marriage is holy between a woman and a man.
I believe that these are truths… not just political stances.
If she can’t accept me, should I even try?
All I can do now is just pray.
But I need your advice… please.”

There are many issues involving friendships that can be totally unrelated to just the two friends. True friends can walk together and choose to agree to disagree on certain matters and subjects. This usually involves people who are more secure in who they are, but what happens when one of the friends are not secure. This friend may have areas in their life where they need healing. Maybe they’ve been through some type of trauma or have grown up in a childhood involving some type of violence. Whatever it is, there is something there and this issue can trigger many negative responses and reactions. If we are not aware of this we can take things personally when in reality it has nothing to do with us and end a relationship instead of helping our friend make it through a tough situation.

Also, this person might believe the lie in the media right now concerning intolerance. We don’t have to believe in and support something if we don’t believe it to be the truth. This doesn’t make us intolerant. Just because I believe the Lord’s truth about homosexuality doesn’t mean that I am intolerant of those who believe that they must live that way. I have friends and acquaintances who are gay. They understand what I believe and they respect that and we go on. I will write more on this topic at a later date. I pray for them and for myself. I pray that we can all come to the truth and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. As we walk with Him, we constantly discover more. As we read His Word and ask Him to help us understand, He does. The Lord loves His creation and He only wants what is best for us. He gave us certain boundaries because He doesn’t want us to hurt or get hurt. His ways are not to harm us, but rather to protect and love us and keep us safe.

The above relationship could have some co-dependency involved. If so, it might be good to let the relationship separate some in order for this person to be able to take a look at the things they believe. I call this creating a vacuum. The Lord is really good at this. Sometimes we don’t always say what we mean when we are speaking out of fear or hurt or when there is the chance that it could end a relationship. Sometimes the real problem can’t even be seen by the person until it comes to the surface. When this happens, and it will, they are going to need someone with understanding and love to help them through. So if things go bad, let them know they can always come to you if they need too. The best friends are those who remain, even if from a distance for a while.

All in all, I believe that this relationship is at the point of finding out how much it means to both of them and how deep it really is. This is not a bad place even though it may hurt if the relationship is severed. Even so, it doesn’t mean it will be forever. You can still love at a distance and pray. Sometimes a short separation is healthier in a relationship. If it comes back together it will be stronger than before and if not, maybe that was the best thing.

I’ve been in co-dependent relationships and found that they are not healthy. I’ve had relationships where they were good as long as everything was going good, but the minute things changed, so did the relationship. Some of these were very painful, but I learned a lot. Some of these relationships have come back and some haven’t. Those that did are better now and stronger.

We don’t always know the Lord’s plans for our lives. Sometimes he allows for relationships to change in order to get us to the place He wants us to be. As we journey down His path of life, there are many He wants us to touch with our lives. Ask Him what He would have you to do? Take each day, one at a time and marvel at how He leads you. He loves you so much and it is not His intention to see you hurt. Get to know Him better and let Him heal your heart. The more healed you become the more whole you are. Let Him be your best friend and then your other friendships will be in the right perspective. Jesus knew what was in the heart of mankind. He had his friends but He kept them in perspective. He never leaves. He always cares and loves. True Friendship!

Joseph