Part I

I believe that sometimes Christians have a wrong belief about marriage. Some of us think that if we can find the right person, we will live happily ever after. It isn’t necessarily about being the right person either.  A lot depends on what is brought into the marriage and what expectations are placed on the other partner. Christian Marriage!

I believe that to explore these areas we need to understand what happens in marriage. Scripture says that the two shall become one. How do two people become one? It also speaks in reference to the Lord and His Church. So how do two become one? It certainly isn’t in reference to them becoming one physical body. I believe this has more to do with becoming one in agreement and purpose. When the Lord took Eve from Adam’s side, a part of him became her. Man and woman are two different beings. All you have to do is listen to the opposite sex for a while and you know what I am talking about. The man must fit with the woman and vice versa. The couple who can fit together can become a strong and balanced force. If one were to take a look at the sex organs, for instance, you will see that they fit perfectly like a jigsaw puzzle. The woman’s organs could totally encase the man’s. Also, man balances the woman and the woman, man. This, however, can be a disaster if either choose to be unyielding to the other. It is a partnership and it must function this way to be successful.

Our thought processes and thinking are different and yet, somehow, we have to be compatible with each other. Scripture also says that a three-stranded cord is not easily broken. Who is this third person? The Lord, of course! One can’t just find another Christian or even the person the Lord has for us and just expect things to be easy. The first thing we learn is how to die to our self, to our wants and desires, just like it is when we give our lives to the Lord. We must die to these things before we find true love. Marriage is about dying to selfish ways and finding so much more. How can we find true love if we don’t know what it is? Selfishness has nothing to do with love, in fact, it is the exact opposite. So unless we are willing to change, it is best not to go down this road.

Even if we find the right person and seem completely compatible, life can still leave us empty handed. What kind of things are we bringing into the marriage. Are we both completely whole or are there areas in our lives that are still broken and torn? Can we trust each other to go the whole distance, or will one of us give in to the lies of the enemy? Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain that build it. It takes three to build this house, marriage, but unfortunately, it only takes one to destroy it. Fear is the breaking point of a marriage. Fear has many facets; distrust, greed, selfishness, bitterness, pride, envy, jealousy and such.

I am now in my third marriage and I think I’ve learned some things. I’ve had one marriage outside of the Lord and also one with someone who was a Christian. Both of them ended the same way. It is interesting to note that in the Christian marriage it was a very bitter ending while in the first we still have a somewhat friendly relationship.

My third marriage came about miraculously. I will be writing this story at a later date because there are many miracles involved. The Lord told us we were going to be married. We were determined to do the Lord’s will in our lives no matter what. We made a commitment to each other to continue on in the Lord if the other one decided not to. These thirteen years have not been easy by any means. There were times it seemed like we were at the end. but it was the Lord who kept us together. We had to learn how to live with each other in the hard times as well as the good. It is easy to walk with someone when things are going well. How do you do it when the lack of money is an issue? How do you make it when generational curses and judgments are brought into the marriage? If you pray, you deal with them one by one and get set free. Through His grace, mercy, love and forgiveness, these times can strengthen a marriage tremendously. There are storms that will face every marriage. Are you prepared? Do you know what to do when these things come?

Don’t walk blindly into marriage. This saying that love is blind, may be only for a short period of time. Even if a couple live with each other for a period of time, it still isn’t the same as being married. Marriage is a covenant and a commitment. Living together doesn’t have this. One partner can just up and leave on a whim because the commitment isn’t there. It is a shallow relationship at best.

One of the worst things a person can do is say, “you should have done this.” These are judgments and expectations and are sure to destroy love. Love desires the best for the other person. Love dares to let the other person in to the depths of our hearts. For true love to work, the couple must become vulnerable to each other.

One could argue that each person must be totally whole before they get married. This is rubbish. Sometimes we don’t know our weaknesses until we are faced with them. We don’t know our fears until we come face to face with them. It is in these times that true love shines. A single person is not faced with having to trust someone else so deeply and intimately. Marriage is a commitment. Don’t make the commitment if you don’t intend to walk it out. If you have prayed about it and you know the Lord has told you this is the person He has for you, then trust Him to see you through. When things don’t go right, turn to Him. When things do go right, thank Him and praise Him. He is worthy. Above all, know that we are all humans and we have weaknesses. We will fail others. We will make mistakes. Let us walk in forgiveness, love, mercy, truth, and grace. It is good to dream and plan, but allow for the Lord to add to, subtract from and to change our course so that we might attain His best. His ways are higher than ours. Sometimes we have unrealistic expectations of how our lives are going to play out. I think it is good to hold on loosely to the dreams and visions He has given us, only in the sense in how they play out.

The Messiah had been promised for hundreds of years before He came. Some people even had visions. But when He came, a lot of people missed Him. He wasn’t what they expected. They expected a king. They had different expectations and it was these things that caused them not only to miss Him, but it caused some to crucify Him. Don’t let your ideas of your visions and dreams cause you to miss the very best the Lord has for you. Scripture says that sometimes we entertain angels unaware. Let your heart be softened by His love. Dare to believe and trust again. People are going to let us down. This is a given. They are human. Don’t take it so personal. Dare to believe the best in others yet be fully aware of their frailty and weaknesses. Read my poem called, “I Wish.” Communication is an underrated thing. If we don’t communicate with each other correctly, the enemy can come in and wreak havoc on our lives. Take the time to say enough. Don’t take it for granted that others should know what you mean. They don’t and they can’t read your mind. The same goes for hearing what others are saying to you. Ask questions to make sure you heard correctly. Some of us are from different cultures and different areas of the country and world. Not all words mean the same, especially those which have more than one meaning in our society.

Marriage is a sacred thing. It is a wonderful thing. It is not good for mankind to be alone. That is why Eve was created. God created them male and female. Each of them could enhance the other. This is the model. Neither was to be over the other. They were meant to walk side by side. It isn’t about who has the best deal in life. It is about function and the role we walk in life. We can only be fulfilled when we are being what we were created to be. Find out what your purpose and destiny are and then live life to its full.

(Due to the length of this post, I will continue it in another one. Have a great and wonderful day.)

Joseph