Notice I didn’t reverse the words of the title. This post is not just about divorce, but it is also about separation. In our society today, we have two types of marriage; one with a license and common law. We also have a relationship, where a man and woman live together and are thereby not legally married. The divorce and separation I am talking about are based upon these three.

We live in a world of hurting and broken people. Each one of us seeks to be loved for who we are. We think that if we can find just the right person, we will live happily ever after. Being that our world is also very fast-paced, it is no wonder we don’t take the time to think things through. We want instant gratification but this comes at a serious cost. Wounded people can be very dangerous. They can become like animals in their thinking and actually harm others. So what do we do?

I believe we have to start with ourselves, with our own heart and life. What do we want in life? How are we going to get it? What price are we willing to pay? How will it affect those we love? If you have gone through a divorce or separation like I have, you know that there are wounds in your heart. You also feel rejected, torn, shattered and bruised. You might have even lost some trust in the other gender and wonder if you will be able to overcome or trust again. Sometimes we also feel that we still must keep up with the world, so we don’t take the necessary time to look inside. This is a mistake. If we don’t get some healing for these areas of our lives, we are destined to go down the same paths. Every similar looking situation we get involved in, will cause us to react rather than respond and then here we go again.

People think that if they just live together, it will be different. If things get bad they can just leave. While this may be true in the eyes of the law, it isn’t true in the hearts of those involved. Not only that, but each one could be thinking, why won’t this person commit to me, am I not the right one and all sorts of thinking along this line.

We could try to harden our hearts and keep others at a distance, but this only works for a short period of time. It doesn’t bring the healing we need and actually propels us in the opposite direction. We could even party all the time and not have to look at anything seriously, but sooner or later reality will hit, if we live long enough. This is really looking gloomy. What do we do? How can we get out of this place?

I believe that everyone is born with the need to be loved and accepted. We try to find it in those around us starting with our parents and siblings. The only problem is that we seek unconditional love and we won’t find this in any human being. Everyone will eventually let us down. The only One who can love us unconditionally is the Lord Jesus Christ. The Lord created us and He knows what we need. I am not talking about some mere theory or fine sounding words. I am talking about a personal relationship with communication. I know it personally, because this is the way I live. Please check out the poem I wrote last week called, “I Wish.”

Through having a relationship with the Lord for many years, I know that He loves me unconditionally and will never leave me or separate Himself from me. He cares. When He died on the cross, He forgave me for every sin I would ever commit. He might not like every choice I make and those choices might cause me pain, but He is still going to be there for me. I choose to forgive those who cause me pain because I don’t want to live with judgment and bitterness in my life. I choose to reach out for His healing touch so that I might be made whole. If I am healed, I can help others and have meaningful relationships. I understand their weaknesses and short-comings and I am all right with that. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes. I choose to walk in His grace, mercy and love that says, “it’s going to be okay, come on, walk with me, I’ll help you.” Will there be misunderstandings and conflicts? Yes! We are different, but we can find ways to walk with each other especially if we get rid of pride, envy, jealousy and all these kinds of things. When you really understand just who you really are in Him, these things begin to just fall away. There is no need to be the top dog to survive. There is a better way and what has been true for me can be for you if you want it.

Simply ask the Lord to show Himself to you and help you get to know Him. Read the bible and ask Him to help you understand it. If you don’t have one, just go to this online site and choose one. Ask Him to speak to you and heal your hurts and wounds. Begin to walk down this path of life with Him and you will begin to see something you’ve never seen before or imagined. Don’t listen to the lies of the enemy or those who only want to bring you down. They simply don’t know. Once you have received healing and are being made whole, you won’t make the kinds of choices you did before out of weakness, but now you can choose from a place of strength and this will make all the difference.

People will always let you down. Don’t put them up on the pedestals to fall. We are all human and we all make mistakes. Most people who commit crimes, if they had to do it all over again, they would probably not have done it. They just got caught up in the moment and the emotion of the time and just reacted. I am not excusing their actions because there are consequences. We put degrees on different types of crimes, but the ones that usually hurt the most are not called crimes at all. We hurt others everyday, by our actions or careless words. Some of these go deeper than any physical crime. There are consequences for these too, sometimes we just don’t see them as clearly. How many times have you hurt someone with your actions or words? Are we really that much different? We play the blame games. We separate from friends over menial things. We betray confidence and trust of others. We gossip and bring others down while trying to make ourselves look good. It goes on and on. Only we can make a change to our life.

Dare to make a change in your life today. Seek the Lord and find a new way. Become the person you were created to be and walk the path you are meant to walk. Find fulfillment in what you do. Do things for the right reasons. Be truthful and be at peace. The Lord knows everything anyway, so why try to hide. It feels good to get it off your chest and you will feel lighter afterward. Find others who believe the way you do and walk with them. Encourage each other and help one another. May the Lord bless you abundantly and overflow your heart with His love. Enjoy your new life and then help others find it too.

Joseph James