Is your heart broken and torn apart from separation and divorce? Does it seem that no matter what you do, you just can’t get beyond a certain point? Are you angry and frustrated? Does it cause you to not trust anymore? Healing a Broken Heart from Separation and Divorce!

As requested, I am continuing to share more of my story. I know that I will eventually not be able to respond to all of the emails I receive from others, so I am sharing some of what I’ve written personally to others in hopes that it will benefit many others in the same situation. Some of the following is from an email I just responded to this morning from a precious lady in the United States who has just gone through her third divorce. Who is this person? It might be someone similar to you.

If you’ve read my previous post, “When A Marriage Fails,” you will know that I’ve been through two divorces and have now been married for 13 years. If you haven’t read it, you might want to read it before continuing. It will help you understand the background for this post.

I believe that everyone, who goes through a divorce, gets hurt in some form or fashion. Those who appear to be unscathed must simply be able to harden their heart but it doesn’t change the fact that there was some type or form of rejection and failure. Marriage is a covenant that is honored by the Lord. It is also a blood covenant between two people that is established during sexual intercourse. The breaking of the hymen signifies this covenant. Each partner a person has in sexual intercourse is another covenant created. The two become joined emotionally. When a person has had multiple partners, they can start to become fragmented in their emotions. These things need to be addressed if one wants to be free and whole. The scripture states that most sins are done outside of the body, but sexual sin is done to the body.

Sex can never be casual. It doesn’t matter if you believe me or not, the truth just is. There are emotional things that happen during sex. It may be different for the man and woman to some degree, but there is a connection made. Emotions are transferred from one to another. The state of each person’s being makes a difference. The reasons why also matter. Judgments are made. A person’s mental stability can be affected. How does the other person feel about me? Do they like me or do they reject me? Our identities can be formed in these moments of intimacy, more so than any other form of contact. In every sexual encounter, emotions and thoughts are transferred and they can go to the core of our being. We need to ask the Lord to forgive us for every sexual relationship we’ve had and to heal us and to make us whole again. Also, pray for the other person to be healed and whole. Believe me, you don’t want to carry that junk around with you.

Separation and divorce cut off these relationships. They signify failure and rejection. Some people get involved in casual sex because they fear these things, guess what, it still happens. They still feel these things to some degree. Why was the sex initiated in the first place? When this relationship stops, there is still a separation from the relationship. Everyone wants to be loved for who they are.

During my second separation and divorce, I didn’t want to go on. I was very familiar with rejection and failure and I was totally defeated. I couldn’t work and I could barely cope. Some Christian friends took me in and gave me a place to stay. I am so honored by and grateful to these people. They helped save my life. Others accused me of being a bum. My family could not understand my total turnaround. Here was this person who was intelligent, destined for greatness and all of a sudden he couldn’t even hold a job. My family was fearful and so they reacted in the only way they knew. I didn’t see this at the time and thought that everyone was being critical. To make matters worse, I was a believer and had walked with the Lord since I was 16. How could this happen? You know what I found out, most of the world doesn’t condemn Christians, Christians do that to each other and they are very good at it. I found this part about Jesus to be true. Jesus was crucified by the very ones He came to save. Do we think it won’t happen to us? The religious crowd are ALWAYS the first to judge. Those who truly follow Jesus are the first to forgive and reach out in love. Please Note: This is a good way to find out who is safe and who isn’t. Be on guard, as the word says, some are wolves in sheep’s clothing. Don’t assume that just because someone says they are a Christian, they are safe to be around. Use wisdom.

I know this is a long post, but I don’t want to cut it short. Some things just happen in life. The Lord gave each one of us the right to make choices. Each choice we make has a ripple effect in the lives of others. One example: I can choose to pass on a smile to someone else and brighten their day, or I can grumble and complain about something and bring them down a notch or two. This is my choice, but it affects someone else who affects someone else. Get the idea?

Okay, so enough of my rambling. Following is an excerpt from the email I sent. This person is going through a similar situation that I have gone through. I hope this helps.

I know it is very difficult to be in the position you are in now. I was in a similar position emotionally and physically as well as financially. I had to learn to accept money and help from others and was also accused of being a bum. My family couldn’t understand what I was going through, but the Lord did and that was all that mattered during those times. I had to stay true to Him, He was my only hope. In due time, others began to see and understand some of what I was going through. My family has even turned around. They were very concerned about me, but the way they showed it came through fear and didn’t manifest itself correctly. I needed to come to an understanding that unsaved people cannot see things the way we can and we can’t expect them to understand the things of the Spirit, in fact it is impossible for them to see.

Your family are who they are and until the Lord reaches down and touches them, they will probably stay the same. Forgiveness is a choice and not an emotion and if you can find it in yourself to choose to forgive them with the Lord’s help, I think a lot of things will change as to how you see them. I am not saying that what they have done is right or that you don’t have the right to not forgive them. I am saying that it will make a difference in your life right now. (I don’t know who wrote this, but I read this the other day. “Forgiveness is a selfish thing, because it releases you and frees you from something done to you.” The other party still has to choose for themselves. I thought, how true this is. So be a little selfish and forgive them, but also show a little mercy and pray for them. Then let the healing have its way.)

Try to focus some on yourself too. You need some healing. Your heart has just been torn to shreds and it hurts. It is okay to grieve and cry. In fact it is necessary for the healing to be completed. I would also suggest that you may be fighting generational curses, I know I was. As we forgive our ancestors and apply the blood of Jesus to our bloodline, it cuts the enemy off from us and our children going forward. Of course they are responsible for their own choices, but it does eliminate some of those things deeply ingrained in our families. (I will touch on this subject more in subsequent posts.)

Money is an easy thing for the Lord to change in our lives. The Lord can put us in a situation of plenty overnight. Look at Joseph’s life in Genesis. He didn’t deserve the things that happened to him and he endured a lot of flack from his family. In the end, he was not only able to help them but the whole world around him. Healing the heart, on the other hand, can take a lifetime because it involves us in letting the Lord come into to those secret places and bring His healing. The degree of healing we receive is directly proportional to the depths we are willing to let Him go. Usually, the way He shows us these areas is with other people. What are the judgments we’ve made? Who do we harbor unforgiveness against? Do we keep repeating the same patterns over and over again? Why? Is there a pattern in our marriages? Do the spouses all end up being the same? These are questions to ponder and have the Lord help us with. The more we get cleansed and healed the freer we become. I speak this from experience.

I am going to use some of these things I am sharing with you in my post for today. You have helped me to remember these things and I know it will help others too. Just by your writing to me, you are also now helping others. We are all in this together. As we reach out to others it begins to multiply.

I hope you feel better and I pray that you continue to receive His encouragement and strength. The Lord has great plans for you. You are not a mistake, the Lord knew you before you were born and has marked your destiny. Keep on walking, blessing and reaching out to others and try not to take anything personally. They are not rejecting you, they are rejecting Him.

This is true for you too. As time permits, I will continue adding to my story. May you be totally healed inside. May you find the grace to choose to forgive and let go of others. As you study the scriptures, may you find out how the Lord really thinks of you. You are the apple of His eye. Those who touch you, touch Him. He has a destiny and a purpose for your life. You were born for greater things. It doesn’t matter what others may say about you, it only matters what you believe about yourself and the promises the Lord has for you. No one can keep you from your destiny except you. 2Corinthians 9:8 “And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.” Keep your head up, like Thomas Edison said, “I haven’t failed. I’ve simply found another way that won’t work.” Keep searching for the truth and you will find it. Here’s to you. Go for it with everything that’s in you. The best is yet to come. Have a great and wonderful day.

Joseph