Part 3 - Have you ever been around someone you wanted to help, but when you said something nice they almost took your head off with their reaction? Maybe you even felt like they stabbed you in the heart and it hurt, even if they didn’t mean it. Have you ever done that? Yes, of course you have. I know I have and still do sometimes. More often than not, it is to a family member. We always think, they should know better.

If you missed the first parts, click for Part 1 and Part 2.

So, what happened? Well, it is generally the result of self-protection and a wounded heart. You just ran into the massive wall around their garden or, if you were in the garden, into one of the thorn bushes. That reaction was most likely premeditated. What do I mean by this? I mean that something happened to that person that hurt them deeply. Rather than deal with it and get the healing they needed, they probably made a decision that the next time this incident happens they are going to do a particular thing, (whatever reaction they consciously or subconsciously decide to do). The problem is that it may happen to someone they love. They are like a wounded puppy in this area. When this particular situation happens, they feel like they are cornered, they are hurt and the only thing they can do is lash out. It doesn’t matter whether the intentions were to harm or not, the vow or judgment has locked them into the reaction.

How do we get out of this cycle and just how long is it going to take? Good question. Sometimes it just takes a short time, but that depends on the seriousness and depth of the damage. For instance, if someone gets seriously hurt in a car wreck and has to go to the hospital for major surgery to repair bones, tendons and cuts, it will take a while to get healed. Now compare this with someone who receives minor injuries and is out of the hospital in a day or two. It is the same way with our hearts. Some wounds just take longer to mend. Some trust issues take a long time and it makes a difference how many times this trust was violated. Each situation is unique and so is each person. God treats each of us as individuals. He records every tear we cry. He cares. Now that we can see that there is no specified time for change, we can go on with how to get rid of the cycle.

The first thing we need to do is find out why we are reacting this way to a particular situation. There is definitely an issue of trust. Number one, we don’t trust that person in this area of our heart. What are we going to do about it? Well, maybe they don’t need to be there, but maybe they also don’t deserve the reaction we gave them either. Maybe we could have been polite in our response. Maybe they had no clue they weren’t supposed to be there. “But I don’t trust men or I just don’t trust women.” Why not? There lies the judgment and IF you don’t deal with it, it WILL wreck that area of your life and start spilling over into other areas. “But I don’t know what to do or it hurts too much” Good! What do you mean good? We finally got to the bottom of the problem. If it didn’t hurt it wouldn’t be a problem, right? Now, we can find the answer and make it go away.

The next thing we need to do is determine if it concerns the wall around our garden or the thorny plants within. If it is the wall that we built to protect us, we can ask Jesus to be our protection. But what if we don’t trust Him that much yet. That is okay. Start where you are. One step at a time. There is an old expression, “Rome wasn’t built in a day.” We are not going to be totally transformed overnight. It is a work in progress, going from glory to glory. The more you trust the Lord for your protection, the more others can see your garden and get a glimpse of Who He is. The more they see Who He is, the more they will be drawn to Him. Let me ask you a simple question. Who are you most drawn to, a person who emanates love or a person who is bitter and brash? One of the major problems we have is that we take too many things personally, especially when they might not have anything to do with us at all. Did the reaction above have anything to do with us or was it concerning something or someone else? But if we took it personally, then we allowed another bad plant in our garden. Chances are, the next time we are around that person, we have judged them in that particular thing whether it was true or not and maybe we will miss a chance to help them change and get set free. We have the choice to help make it worse or to help heal.

Okay, so we have decided to work on the wall thing, but what about the thorns. We’d really like to have some true and wonderful relationships with others, but how will we let them see who we are without them or us getting hurt? Let’s start removing the thorns that we planted to protect us from pain. Here again, we go back to the trust issue. Some of the words we have allowed to grow in our garden were seeds of self-protection, self-preservation, pride, competition, greed, lust, envy, jealousy, and others like this. In Jesus, we don’t need to prove ourselves anymore. He won’t love us any more than He already does. So therefore, we don’t need to prove anything to anybody else either. If we have to be someone other than who we are for anyone, we are destined to live a life of lies, misery and bondage and besides, people don’t like fakes anyway. Freedom is knowing who you are and being true to yourself. It is being okay with who you are and knowing you are on a journey of change.

We need to find the truth and sow these seeds in our hearts. We need to study the Bible and ask Holy Spirit to interpret it for us as we read. As we plant the seeds of truth into our gardens, we dig up the lies that were planted there. Sometimes this hurts because the thorns can stick us. It hurts to admit that we are wrong. It is humbling and it is necessary if we are to continue on our journey. Now, as these new plants grow, there is a new aroma in our garden. The more truth and love that grows, the less room there is for the bad stuff. It simply gets replaced. Forgive others for their humanness, their foolishness, and their frailties. The cost of unforgiveness and bitterness is greater than you think. It will cause your physical body to shut down, decay and eventually die. Don’t take my word for it, look at those who are bitter and unforgiving and see what their lives and health are like. What you sow is what you reap. If you share love, you will reap love. If you share bitterness and hatred, you will reap it. Create a brand new garden, watch over it and be careful of what seeds are getting sown into it, let the Lord protect you and reap the benefits of freedom and a wonderful, joyous, and fulfilled life. Dare to laugh. Dare to smile. Dare to see the world from a different point of view. Dare to help change this world by sharing your life with others. The storms will come, but He will lift you higher if you let Him. You can soar higher than the eagles. You can look down on those mountains you thought were insurmountable. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it. It has been for me personally.

Dear friend, I hope you have been encouraged by this message. This has only been a brief overview. There are many lessons to be learned on this path of life. Don’t let the little things overcome you. Don’t let distractions hinder you. If it is not about love, let it go. If it is not about truth, don’t believe it. There are many voices in the wind. Most of them have their own agenda. Search for the truth with all of your heart and you will find it. Contrary to what others say, we can find the truth and walk in it. We can find true love. We can find our purpose and destiny. We can fulfill this destiny and have a life that’s full of joy no matter what circumstances come or go. There is someone who will never leave you, nor forsake you. My prayer for you is that you live your life to the full and that if I don’t meet you on earth, I’ll see you in heaven for all of eternity.

Have a blessed life.

Joseph